Ok, so I’m working on the difference between goals and
desires. I wasn’t a counseling major, so I never really
reasoned this through until now. But I
was challenged by this during our HS leader training time this wknd.
Goals are within your control, something you work toward in
order to accomplish.
Desires are out of your control, and something you work
toward but may not accomplish.
So, here’s an example.
I want my kids to obey and respect me. I used to think that was a goal. But I really have no control over it. I will model respect to them and teach them
to obey (now, that is my goal), but if my goal is to control their behavior, it is
out of my hands and will lead only to frustration and anxiety. We all have goals and desires in our
relationships. But sometimes the great disappointment
with people comes in mixing the two around.
I want Andy to love me and me alone.
But that’s a desire, not a goal.
I can’t make him love me. I have
as the goal to show him love, but if my goal is simply to manipulate him into
remaining faithful to me, it still remains out of my control and will exhaust
me. I don’t know if I lost
everyone. But this is so freeing to me! Especially in the role of parenting. I think I’ve gotten too focused on
controlling my kids’ behavior, feeling the burden of turning them into polite,
grateful, respectful, obedient children.
And Lord knows I never reach my goal!!! Many nights I’ve gone to bed exhausted,
weary of trying to mold my kids. IT’S
NOT MY JOB!!! I plead with God that He
will mold them into civilized gentlemen with humble, kind hearts. And my goal is to love them unconditionally
and consistently train them in this. But
with a simple refocus, I don’t have to feel like a failure all the time when
they walk right into the church and hit a baby.
I’ve disciplined for that, and did again this morning. But it’s their will, and I pray God breaks
it. But it’s up to Him!!! Thank you ancient counselors who came up with
this simple, yet redefining idea for me.
And thank you faithful readers for excusing another extroverted post to
process all this.
Yes, that is Miles being Buzz Lightyear and Jack holding an english muffin on a fork, in case you weren’t sure.
This week has also been a lot of letting go for me. Miles went back to preschool (He did
fine. I cried.) And we’re taking a different direction in
ministry this year. Andy is the Director
of Student Ministries (well, he’s always been the director, but is now
functioning as one). SO what this means
for us is letting go of a lot. It’s
good, and he’s so excited to do what he loves—train people for ministry and
teach. But it was hard tonight
when the cardboard boat races went on without us. We’re so blessed to have such a great group
of young adults working with our youth (and now leading them). But it’s hard to realize I can’t do
it all…and to give up some things I really love in order to spend the time I
have more strategically.
And on a lighter note, most recent Jack sayings…
— Andy’s mom asks what do you want to be when you grow up? Miles says “a doctor.” Jack says “a cow.”
— Andy is leaving for work and Jack tells me “The mens go to work and the mommies go places.”
— Miles is crying. Jack comes in and asks “Miles, are you happy or sad? Do you have Jesus or Goliath in your heart?”
— Pulling into Wal-Mart, Jack informs me “Wal-Mart is for mommies. Lowe’s is for daddies.”
— Miles is studying the back of my dad’s head in the car and says
“Don’t worry grandpa. Some day you’ll have hair. It’s starting to