Over the Rhine is playing and Jude just fell asleep in my arms–Karin has officially now put all 3 of our boys to sleep. I tend to think it’s because my voice sounds like hers, so they think I’m singing to them–hehe, just kidding.
Andy is with the boys at VBS and now that Jude is asleep, I got on here to upload some pics, but I can’t find the card reader, so I’ll have to paint a picture of the past 4 weeks with words. 4 weeks. Unbelievable. Jude is starting to get responsive and more alert…it’s so exciting to see his sweet little personality unfold. He’s such a cuddly little guy, and the other 2 just adore him. I’ve been shocked at how well Miles and Jack have adjusted to another little man in the house. It was rough for awhile (Jack was having stomach aches, so we’d be up with him and Jude at night, but those have passed and Miles was just a little on edge as we had no sense of rhyme or routine), but now that we’re able to get out more and I’ve set some consistent times in the day when they know they’ll have rest time and play time, etc. it seems to be smoother.
I think the biggest change has been learning to let things go. I think I’ve officially turned over my house to mess and disorder, which I have to keep reminding myself will too pass…and it’s ok for now. Any extra time I have during the day, I certainly don’t want to be folding laundry or cleaning toilets–I want to give Miles and Jack some attention. And any extra time in the evening is certainly going to be spent with Andy…or sleeping! Thus, I’ve had the same to-do list since the beginning of the week–simple things like get Jude’s birth certificate application in the mail or make a phone call!!! I have his birth announcements under the desk in a to-do pile…he’s only 1 month old. Maybe I’ll get them out before his birthday…
But I think the best part of this adjustment has been watching Miles and Jack gel. Before, I’d drop what I was doing if they asked me to play or color or whatever. Now I can’t. And I felt really guilty about that at first, thought they’d resent the baby…but they’ve just been little buddies. It’s been so good to see them entertain themselves when I’m preoccupied with Jude. Of course, at first they’d wait until I was busy feeding Jude to get into trouble…but now they like to hang out in the same room with us and build zoos or lego towers. I’ve teared up several times thinking about how fast they’re growing up. It’s probably the combination of having less time with them and them just having to do more for themselves that I used to do. But, they’re just getting to be such big boys…
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
This verse has become very dear to me in the past weeks. I’ve felt His gentle leading so much this past month…from labor and delivery to feeding constantly around the clock to adjusting to a 3rd to dealing with the older 2 in their insecurities and anxieties about it all…I’ve had people tell me over and over that they’ve been praying for me…and I feel it.
Everyone keeps asking us if we’re having more. I tell them right now, we’re enjoying the ones we have. But as I struggle to keep my eyes open to feed and rock little Jude to sleep at night, I often think I want to savor every moment. I don’t know if we’ll do this again…and I certainly didn’t savor it before…I was too worried the crying would never stop and they would never sleep through the night and we’d never go on a date or have any sense of freedom again…Now I know it does pass…all to quickly sometimes. So, I am glad we waited 4 yrs. between babies. It makes me hold all the tighter to this one.
Wish I knew where the card reader was to post pics, but I should go take a look at that to-do list.